Creative Poetry Project – Edmund F – Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130, comparative value

The poem being imitated/parodied here is Shakespeare’s Sonnet number 130, comparisons and truth.

A: Regardless of skill and might, quintessence eludes grasp;
B: Apparatus’s more desirable than mine adeptness sharp;
A: If they be red, why then my own tinge be ruddy;
B: If they be abstract, then concrete I must be liking.
C: I see shades streaked, through chroma and hue,
D: Yet none of such I see on my cloth;
C: And through some daubers is there more satisfaction
D: Then from within the coalesce that from my canvas exhibits.
E: I cherish the conception that sprouts, yet I know very well
F: That others create a far more gratifying visage;
E: I confess that I never seen Messiah illustrate;
F: Myself, when I temper, create nothing but banal casts;
G: And yet above, I believe my prowess as rare
G: As any, I belied with false compare

    For my rendition of Shakespeare’s sonnet, I wanted to create something that would deviate from the original script of ‘it’s idiotic comparing a woman’s beauty to inanimate objects,’ and change its’ direction towards that of self-comparison instead. I mainly wanted to choose this because I always found it quite interesting how individuals try and self-idolize or portray their peak in ways that just simply aren’t possible, just like how it’s silly when individuals connect people to objects only to love something they don’t truly love, but canonize.

When I read through Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130, the main idea that immediately comes to mind is how people should love people for who they are, not some self-created ‘god’ or ‘idol’ which can be nothing but perfect. While yes, this may not apply to EVERYONE, loving an idol that you consistently correlate and praise usually ends up in superficial love. These are ideals that we have, not true ‘love,’ something which can be argued as Shakespeare once said, a “Marriage of minds,” which to me is being able to truly accept someone’s flaws for who they are, and understand them as a person, not an object, nor as a doll, as a human. I believe that that’s the entire reasoning behind the comparison of objects in Sonnet 130, to show that even Love does not need to be ideal and ‘mainstream,’ but more internalized.

How I decided to come up with these lines stemmed from the initial start of Shakespeare’s own. It follows the Shakespeare Sonnet format, ABABCDCDEFEFGG. For the first two, an immediate comparison is made – “Mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun/Coral is far more red than her lips’ red.” I decided to work alongside that, inserting the reader instead, comparing them to something they’ll never be. The second AB section also follows the same format, a given object – “If snow is white, why her breasts dun/hairs be wires, If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head,” being compared once more, which I changed to make it so that it reads of the speakers own skills being compared to their ideal, only to fall short as well.

I continue this for the next CD and EF section, which still more so follows the same comparative aspect. The final EF section however acts as the start of our volta, a heroic couplet. Shakespeare does this by mentioning how he’s “never saw a goddess go/My mistress, when he walks, treads on the ground,” which I decide to imitate, making my speaker say even though they’ve never seen a true, perfect visage being done, all of their creations are ‘boring,’ ‘unoriginal,’ simply just there. However, the Volta finally happens, and I decide that the best course of action here is to completely imitate Shakespeare’s own, to believe one’s love[self] as true as it ever will be, even with all of the impossible ideals and comparisons.

With all that out of the way, we can piece together the main ideas, Love is something that belongs in the mind, and infatuation with ideals is merely the surface level, an element of Love, but not the actual thing. As such, and as stated in the first paragraph, I wanted to create a poem where the reader is seemingly self-absorbed with a pointless, flat perfection in the start, before slowly deviating towards a sense of self-satisfaction in their abilities, essentially following the same Shakespeare format that starts with an artificial, surface-level comparison, towards stating that even with such comparisons, is love is true, true to the mind and eyes, just like how I wanted my rendition on it to go – the speaker finally acknowledging that skills just as fair as any others, regardless of comparative value.

Student Poetry Competition

Pretend scenario (25 minutes):

You are an instructor for English 57 responsible for introducing undergraduates to the study of poetry.  You must pick ONE of the three poets (listed below) who best fits the English 57 course description and learning objectives.  In other words, you, the instructor, must choose ONE exemplary poem that can help students understand the following three questions:

1. What makes a poem poetry?

2. What makes a poem beautiful?

3. Why do readers prefer some poems over others?

In the comment box for each of the posts, explain how the creative imitation or parody can inspire your make-believe students to answer the three questions. 3-4 sentences will suffice.  For this activity, students have the choice to work individually, in pairs, or larger groups.

The poet with the most votes will win a special prize😲!

Three poets to choose from:

1. Isaak Puth: https://poetryintroduction.wordpress.com/2024/05/01/may-i-compare-you-to-a-winter-night/

2. Miki Chroust: https://poetryintroduction.wordpress.com/2024/05/02/draft-2/

3. Sarah Rix: https://poetryintroduction.wordpress.com/2024/04/30/seeing-is-not-believing/

Corridos Tumbados

No Le Aflojo – de Fuerza Regida

Pero cuando no tenía
Nadie conmigo comía, pero compartí mi plato
Aunque no lo merecían
No dejó de dar la mano porque así es como me criaron
Vengo de buena familia
Mijo, no te creas más que nadie
Porque todos somos iguales

REVIEW

I chose a corrido de la frontera as my imitation of Javier’s poem because of the messages that come from corridos. They can tell a story through the rhythm and music of the message that the artist is trying to get the audience to understand. This corrido that I chose reminded me of Javier’s whole experience crossing the border because it describes another mans mental view of crossing the border. Javier uses a format that imitates a corrido for this poem. This correlates to a corrido because they both tell a story about the same setting. For this song, the artist writes about his mentality and the treatment that he received before crossing. He states that he had nothing under his name and that he was brought up in humble beginnings. He comes from a good family where they share plates so that everyone can eat because for him everyone is the same. Which I think relates very much to Javier’s poem about the coyote, since most of the time a coyote is not reliable and will leave you for dead. This comes from coyotes having a mentality that they are better than the people crossing because they know the desert and have money. Yet, the song says that you shouldn’t think of yourself as more than anyone else because we all come from the same place. This statement made me think of the coyotes only being money-hungry to the point where they leave people for dead stranded in the desert. Simply because they think of themselves as better.

~Jeshua Rocha

Nothing

Looking through the glass 

the rain pouring so slowly

 Drowning in sorrow 

…

Is tomorrow gone?

no stars no dreams nothing seen

now where do I go?

Dear friend, 

I wanted to take on a haiku and the poem I chose to imitate was from you in the Anthology of Wartime Haiku, into to poetry it goes, 

“From the window of despair 

May sky

there is always tomorrow 

…

At daybreak 

stars disappear

where do I discard my dreams?” 

Pg100-101. I wanted to encapture almost like a similar style of words for example tomorrow, stars, dreams. I wanted to get the connection between poems by presenting these words in similar tones. I know you were in a really bad place where you wished everything was over and that you could finally go home. I chose to encompass those feelings you might have felt. By choosing my first line to be “looking through the glass” almost like a reflection in your poem of its first line being “From the window of despair”. I wanted to bring forth the imagery of the poem and have a new modern audience see through the window that it is pouring rain outside as maybe you were inside writing your poem. I wanted people to see the true sorrows you may have been through being in an internment camp and the pain it caused you to try and live on. Even though you had said it was a May sky meaning it was in May at the end of Spring and beginning of Summer I wanted to bring a counterpart of myself into it. How whenever I am going through a tough time it is usually when it’s raining. The rain just symbolizes for me the dreadfulness and freedom to cry, with my cries being muffled by the rain. I hope this is alright for you and you don’t see it drift much apart from your poem. In my second stanza just like you had written “Where do I discard my dreams?” I wrote “Now where do I go?”, I wanted to say that you were the dreams and now were deciding what to do. 

I wanted to show the power of alliteration I know as a fellow friend you would love from your writing skill level. I chose to input this to symbolize the word no and nothing in stanza 2 line 2. With alliteration I could help display your work on one line instead of multiple. This helps in bringing rhythm and the importance that there is nothing surrounding this poem. There is an abyss of nothing, and it is the speaker’s choice to see where maybe they can go.

I know you like free-style haiku and from the last lines from the stanzas you would end that would be 7 syllables instead of 5 in retrospect, a traditional haiku ending and starting with 5 syllable lines and in the middle being 7 syllables. I tried to form a nice sounding rhythm to your poem to intrigue an audience to go on a poetic rhythm as they continue reading on. I wanted to fight your notion and capture the traditional haiku to show you that it also could work with your poem and what you are trying to say about being boxed in and not being able to live your life freely. From being on one side of the window and watching the world pass by as you sit and write poetry to show what had happened during World War 2. 

My dear friend people are drifting apart from history so I wanted to make this poem to pay homage to your poem. It deserves to be read and analyzed by poets throughout. I thank you for writing something so deep and emotionally beautiful. That is why I made this to show people today the dreams that were crushed, the pain and abuse you had gone through, and most importantly the historical aspect of when you wrote this. Today, there is something similar as to when you were in the camps. It is a war. A war on Gaza and the Palestine people. How they now have to leave their homes just like you did or they would face death. Even today they are still facing it and don’t know whether they can get it tomorrow. My dear friend this is why I wrote this homage poem, to have these people who are oppressed know they are not alone and that we the people see them. Like how we saw you guys we will not remain silent. 

          With deep love and understanding your friend,

    Kelly Flores

Look Around Sonora County

Driving through white snow,

As snowflakes flew gracefully,

Through the coast redwoods.

…

Summer heat has died,

Black, eight-legged Critters emerge,

As Autumn awakes.

…

Sunset Fully Sets,

As night creeps in, an owl hoots,

Calling predators.

…

Rich with history,

A California Ghost Town,

In grassy foothills.

…

Beyond the small towns,

There is a whole new world,

Of nature’s wonders.

Review: Instead of creating one haiku, I created an anthology based on observations and real-life experiences I had exploring Sonora County. These selected pieces were inspired by the multiple haikus Japanese Americans wrote during their stay at the Japanese internment camps. They mostly utilized poetic elements like imagery and nature to describe their personal situations and observations. I followed an identical approach to write my haikus.

Unlike, their haikus though, in which the majority were free verse in English, I decided to follow the traditional format which is 5 syllables for the first and last line and 7 syllables for the middle because I thought it was simpler. Though experiences are different between the poets and me, the use of imagery, setting, and nature is highly implemented on both sides. For example “white snow” (Poem 1, line 1), “Snowflakes flew”(Poem 1, line 2), “Summer heat” (Poem 2, line 1), “autumn”(Poem 2,3), “sunset fully sets” (Poem 3, Line 1), “Nights creeps in” (Poem 3, Line, “Small towns” (Poem 5, line 1), “grassy foothills” (Poem 4, line 3). Similar descriptions and details were given to describe seasons, weather, and surroundings in the Anthology of Wartime Haiku. Like in Kyotaro Komur’s “Lingering summer heat, Japanese proceeding under guard, on dusty white road.” (Komur, Pg 109) and Shiho Okamoto’s “Iron Fence immovable, over the mountain, winter sunrise.” (Okamoto, Pg 112). What makes my anthology connect with the Anthology of Wartime Haikus is both take place in the state of California. Also, the places I described are historical landmarks, meaning just like the Japanese internment camps, these “small towns” hold their own history. For example, “Rich with history, A California Ghost Town, In grassy foothills.” (poem 4) Up in Sonora there are various towns like Columbia, Twain Harte, Mariposa, Jamestown, etc. One of these towns is the Chinese Camp which is practically a ghost town. What’s its history? According to the California Office of Historic Preservation, the Chinese camp was the headquarters for stage lines in the early 1850s and for various CA Chinese mining companies. This was during the gold rush. This is why I added, “Rich with history” to hint at the gold rush. The other small towns were part of the gold rush too. It was a small input but, it holds great significance to California’s history, just like the Japanese internment camps.

Japanese American poets described major features that highlighted back towards Japanese internment camps like Yotenchi Agari’s haiku, “Moonlit summer sky/ same black houses/ standing in rows,” (Agari, Pg 111). I was going to familiar structure for my haikus. Like Agari, I highlighted significant features my main idea was known for like, “Driving through white snow, As snowflakes flew gracefully, Through the coast redwoods.”  (Poem 1). During the winter season, it is likely to snow up in Sonora. One of the most significant attributes of Sonora is the coast redwood trees. Readers may not pick up that I’m talking about specifically Sonora because snow and coast redwoods aren’t just located in that area, however from relying on vivid imagery I am attempting to create an image in their head of what I saw when I was there.

 This is the same with American Japanese poets, they created a visual of their experience, even if the readers had little knowledge about the internment camps, with the use of imagery, readers managed to see and imagine what these poets lived through at the time. I wanted to recreate that feeling for my readers. I could have been more direct in naming the small towns, but I also wanted my readers to build their own visual picture of what I was referring to. I believed that if I mentioned names like “Mariposa” or “Twain Harte”, most readers would easily get the idea and automatically imagine the exact town, pushing away the visual context I provided in my poem. In other words, I wanted head gears to turn. I wanted my readers to think, not just to quickly come up with the answers like “Oh it’s Twain Harte”. I was seeking to write something simple but not too straightforward. Something similar to Yotenchi Agari’s second haiku on page 111. The poem was centered on the Stockton Assembly Center, however Agari didn’t mention the name directly in the poem but indicated it with imagery. I was inspired to follow a similar poem structure because I wanted to ensure readers saw what my haikus described, but also not make it too obvious.

Aside from the first haiku what about the rest? “Summer heat has died, Black, eight-legged Critters emerge, As Autumn awakes.” (Poem 2). This haiku was quite specific in the aspect that I mentioned seasons and black, eight-legged critters. The reason why I added “eight-legged”, was because in Mariposa there is a time when spiders appear, instead of saying spiders though I wanted my readers to envision what I meant and what specific creature I was talking about. I am not talking about just any spider; I was referring to a black tarantula. Why a tarantula? Driving to Mariposa I came across tarantulas crawling on the floor and across the streets and I thought it was one of the most memorable moments I had traveling to Sonora because I had never seen it before. Down here in Merced, it’s unlikely you see a spider casually cross the road, especially a black tarantula. So not only did I rely on identical literary techniques that Japanese-American poets used to describe their situations in the Japanese internment camps, but I also included distinctive moments I had. Though they were quite the opposite compared to the experiences internees had during their stay at internment camps, the haikus were based on experiences that were considered one of the most striking or persistent in one’s mind whether it was good or bad.

What about the use of season and time? With the seasons mentioned, readers get the idea that I have visited Sonora multiple times throughout the year, whether it was winter, summer, or autumn. I purposefully made that clear because I believe if I didn’t my haikus would be incomplete because the reason I went to Sonora was due to the time of season. I also included how I observed beyond the little towns in my 3^rd and 5^th poems.

 I added, “Sunset Fully Sets, As night creeps in, an owl hoots, Calling predators.” (Poem 3). During the night, in Sonora, it’s likely predators like wolves and coyotes show up. What’s interesting is they start to appear right when the sun begins to set, it happens fast. This was something that I observed. I wasn’t specific with what type of predators; however, this allows readers to come up with their own guesses and work their imagination. The fifth poem was quite broad in the aspect that when I said “small towns” it can be taken to context that it can be any small town. However, putting my title as “Look around Sonora County” gives an indication that it’s a town in Sonora. I didn’t want my readers to overthink my poems either, so that’s why I made sure to make my title specific. This is what I noticed the internees did, even when their haikus had no titles, they relied on imagery to stay specific on their main idea.  

Overall, my main focus was to have readers make up a realistic image through their minds by only depending on the imagery and multiple adjectives I provided. I created my anthology relying on the poetic elements Japanese American haiku poets used in their collection of poems. I also included historical context and explained how my observations not only were important to me but also how these observations held a great significance and impact on California’s history itself, just like the Japanese Internment camps did to these Japanese American Haiku poets.

Claudia Dominguez

Citations: Parks, California State. “California State Parks.” CA State Parks, ohp.parks.ca.gov/ListedResources/Detail/423#:~:text=Reportedly%20founded%20about%201849%20by,several%20California%20Chinese%20mining%20companies. Accessed 2 May 2024. 

The Bastard Angel

Oh Spider, terrifying little creature
Cursed with eighth grotesque legs,
Thy unblinking eyes,
Needles of death on one’s face,

Flee wretched creature of nightmares
Beter to have the Kissing bug
With such a name -a beauty must be!
For to Kiss is to Love and to Love is to Live
Better to have in one’s love shack

Yet despite the hate, ye still be here
The silent guardian of me’s humble abode
Protecting the home with thys strands of justice
Pearly white silk of protection
Preserver of peace from the shadows

One day, your actions will be noticed
No longer a bastard creature but a savior of health
Changing your status from horrid creature to guardian angel

Review:
The Bastard Angel was my imitation of the Sea Rose. This poem, while not the longest or the most romantic, struck something in me with the imagery that it uses, along with how fun the debate we had in class with this poem and the poppy one was. For the most part, I just wanted to take the feminist message it contained and decided to apply that to the insect class that I took this semester and attempt to combine both subjects into one. All of this to deliver a message that echoes the idea of self love and selflessness without needing to shout to the world all of one’s qualities in hope of finding validation from other, in the form of insect awareness.
To start off, Sea Rose came up in the semester when we were learning imagery so as one can imagine, there will be lots of descriptive language being used to convey the message of the poem. I decided to parallel the manner in which the main objects of focus of the poems have a negative connotation and have pretty dismal descriptions. When one thinks of a spider or just at the sight of one, they tend to have negative thoughts such as disgust and fear. So by starting off with words like “grotesque” and “needles of death,” the poem begins to build up the negative presentation of spiders which then is juxtaposed with the kissing bug in the second stanza. By not providing any descriptions to the bug and solely relying on the single stanza, one would be compelled to believe that this kissing bug must be fantastic in appearance and must be harmless, especially against a spider. The use of the love also helps to convey a positive image with the bug, however, this is where both images begin to mirror one another. In both poems, if one is not aware of what a sea rose or kissing bug is, the reader begins to build a mental image with context clues laying around. The moment one looks up said subjects, that is when reality tramples upon the mental image, the sea rose not as ugly as the poem would make it seem, and the kissing bug, the vampire bug, a parasitic bug that transmits an Chagas disease via insect excretions near the mouth or wounds. This allows for the reader to be taken aback by their thoughts, and as a side effect widens the reader’s mind to the rest of the poem.

The last two stanzas help to humanize the spider, allowing it to escape from the constant demonization of itself, and attempts to build up the spider’s reputation. Allowing the spider to build self confidence, which the reader can apply to themselves, since they do not need to pay heed to the comments and thoughts of others, since what they do is to maintain inner peace with themselves. Something that I did realize at the end would be that, the message does seem to be underwhelmed since now it seems as though validation is welcomed. However, the main point of the parody is to help bring attention to the not so valued critters that inhabit our world, and showcase how exactly initial impressions hinder our ability to see the beauty of the world.

Isaac Ruiz

Looking at a Coyote… An Eagle Stares

An Eagle Stares is a short imitation poem that pays homage to Javier Zamora’s poem “Looking at a Coyote”. Zamora’s original poem focused on the aspects of the harsh and unforgiving journey that is crossing the border to the United States. Paying special attention to the “Coyotes”. Guides that help immigrants, leading them through the path that takes them across. While also talking about the harsh reality of the treatment immigrants receive from the journey, the coyotes, and the gringos. These themes were then altered and modified for my imitation poem. Focusing instead on the modern day-to-day routine of a Chicano, noting the discrimination, injustice, and contrast one faces compared to the average American.  

The original poem’s most iconic aspect is its format. Outside of its free verse form, the poem has a very distinct look to the way the lines are placed and organized. With each line alternating from the left to the right side of the page, one in front of the other. This stylistic choice alongside the poem’s main theme, serves to emphasize the idea of the migration journey and the constant walking in the Mexican desert as the poem’s lines mimic footsteps. In order to create an accurate and more importantly, faithful imitation, both the imagery and what it’s meant to represent remain parallel within An Eagle Stares. It instead represents the journey of a Chicano teenager as he walks to school, noting the daily occurrences to happen near or to him. The lines within the poem are also modified to fit within the new context, however the main themes are kept within them. For example within Zamora’s poem the following line exists: “ gringos why do you see us illegal don’t you think / we are the workers around you” (13-14) showcasing the disdain that white Americans hold for Mexicans and other minorities, failing to see the fact that the hard work of immigrants is a crucial part of the economy, and despite their efforts, are still exploited and undervalued. This line changed to fit the context of my poem reads: “ Officer why do you eye me down as I pass by your window are you / appreciating the brown hue we share” (13-14). I wanted to comment on the internal racism that many Mexican immigrants are prone to, and how this behavior and treatment of their own culture leads to Chicanos sharing the same thought process, leading to Hispanics often discriminating against other Hispanics, overall damaging the culture and making us more prone to injustice to those in higher positions of power. Another aspect within his work, Zamora emphasizes the coyote’s Nike shoes. Noting the economic disparity between the coyote and those crossing. I believed those two stanzas to hold significant value within the poem, so I wished to incorporate that same idea within my work, choosing instead to note the principal’s son’s “rubber and steel” shoes, serving as a metaphor for the wheels that his car sits on, noting that the son of a principal would likely be financially well off and as such, be able to afford the luxuries of having his own vehicle. However, the next line shows that the “Farmer’s son” also has rubber and steel shoes, however this is used literally, to describe the work boots he has. Showcasing the financial disparity between the two students, while also alluding to the economic difference between the two ethnic groups. I also wished to further emphasize the subtle Mexican patriotism that lies within the creation of Looking at a Coyote, choosing to incorporate a recurring metaphor within the poem through a golden eagle. Known for being Mexico’s national bird, I chose it to represent Chicano youth, their ongoing struggles, and their search for growth in their new home. 

Overall I loved reading Javier Zamora’s work along with being able to reinterpret his poem with my own imitation. Creating a connection between the treacherous journey that many Mexican immigrants face and the day-to-day struggles that Chicano’s face within the United States, as both face different struggles, but ultimately chase the same goal; a better, more prosperous future.

– Eduardo Ojeda Jr

Just Me and My Thoughts Agaisnt The World

Sometimes my thoughts are so loud

Consuming who I am when Im In a crowd 

And everywhere else as Im alone 

I dont know who I am, Who ive become 

Anxious, avoidant, and suppressing down to my core,

Thought by thought, Not many even understand. 

Why do I get consumed by it?

Those of you, whose thoughts are too loud and anxiety too controlling, 

Who cant escape it, take it from me

My mind was once as quiet as yours.

But after all, naturally, they are me. 

Who am I after all but a woman with thoughts.

Review

I decided to do Julia Alvarez. Sometimes, the Words are so Close because They spoke to me. As I read her drafts, I saw that she was trying to find her voice and struggling with confidence. I found that it is relatable to many students today. Julia Alvarez’s poem also sheds light on imposter syndrome; struggling to find her place in the world of writing. In the world today, I know that there are great ordeals in many students’ lives, especially the lives of college students. Many students at times feel, feeling the weight of expectations upon us, whether its in classes or in regular life. We start to ask If we belong here. The sonnet that I wrote highlights the difficulties of it all. Sometimes as young adults, its hard to find your place in this world. Maybe its as simple as being a particular major and feeling like you are not cut out for it due to not achieving the same academic standpoint as some or just having difficulties in areas. Alvarez struggles with finding her voice. We struggle with feeling inadequate. Our pens tremble over empty pages. We feel lost when we don’t understand some areas in our classes. As much as we study. when sometimes it wasn’t enough. It leaves many feeling, “Why did I even choose this major”?, “Do I have what it takes? “?. Our thoughts are stained with anxiety, like ink. The classroom is a battlefield, a place where we compete to be accepted, and to prove ourselves. It’s almost as if there’s nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide from the thoughts filled with the idea that we arent good enough. College students today try to suppress these feelings, myself included. Avoiding the feeling of being an Imposter in Life, Academics, and other factors. My poem, being an experimental sonnet imitation, helps mirror a joint experience of these feelings, the feeling of never measuring up. Many college students find themselves My words, not being an actual sonnet, imperfect,  breaking the rules of specific guidelines, because sometimes there are no perfect rhymes for our struggles. Sometimes, we must break free from the standard way of doing things to be finally free. Yet perhaps, in our shared vulnerability, We find a place of comfort, A truth unspoken but felt: We belong, even when we doubt. Even when we don’t seem to feel it. We are our thoughts, and they are us.

Victoria Sasere

like a dark dusty rose

Review:
There are many poems that were assigned to us, but I chose “Sea Rose” by H.D., which I chose for my second essay that we have assigned because this poem is my favorite among the others. I love debating about women stereotypes, and women’s perfections and imperfections, which the poem is focused on. My essay is mainly on those themes so creating a short imitation of “Sea Rose” will be a good idea since I already analyzed a lot of this poem. For my imitation of the poem, I combined the two themes of women’s perfections and imperfections that shape stereotypical society. 

The original poem has lots of imagery which I also included in my imitation of the poem. I tried to follow the similar structure of the original poem. The original starts off with listing the characteristics of the weak and fragile rose, which I tried to start off as well. I used a lot of imagery to give you a picture of the rose. I did give the rose a pronoun because the poem is about how women are seen in society based off the stereotypes. The “dark rusty rose” is to show that the rose is decaying and dying making her weak and “weightless like a feather.” For line 2, I said that she is dancing very weakly which I tried to connect with lines 5 through 8 to show how she has no control over her body because of how weak she is. The wind in the original poem represents the society and how people in society control women in following their expectations. I made this point clear in the second stanza saying how the wind (society) hits the rose (women) and controlling her movements to paths that societies want the women to follow. In the last stanza, I tried to connect its back to the last stanza in the original. In the original poem, H.D. compares the spice-rose which are considered beautiful and perfect to the rotting rose which is seen as imperfect. For my imitation for that part, I tried to make it seem as if the weak rose saw the perfect spice-rose as perfection but couldn’t relate to that cause of society sees her as imperfect for having flaws and not meeting their exceptions. I also tried to make it seem as the flawed rose is admiring the perfect rose to point out how many women in the world want to be perfect for society, but because of their flaws that are seen as different.

For my imitation on “Sea Rose,” I used a few poetic elements H.D. also used for the poem. H.D. used a lot of imagery, which I also incorporated for my imitation. In the second stanza of my imitation, I wanted to mainly use imagery to show how the wind is controlling the roses movements and guiding it to certain directions to compare it in the real world on how society is controlling women and how they should be. I characterized the flawed rose as H.D. did and using simile to compare woman to the “dark dusty rose,” and then compared the weight of the rose to a feather to show its weakness. H.D. didn’t have much of a rhythm in “Sea Rose,” so I didn’t really focus on having a rhyming scheme. My focus was on the imagery, comparison between women and roses, and women stereotypes.

—

Gurranvir Kaur

Disorder in Masculinity

A trampoline’s spring beneath the feet,
Provokes scorn, makes for retreat;
No grace in such a simple thing,
Just shudders at the thought it brings.

A hardy me, or so I tried,
But every move just mortified.
No floating gently in the sea,
No tech on laps—oh, woe is the!

For they frown upon each act,
That lacks the ‘hardy’ stereotype exact.
To earn a nod or win a glance,
The must perform a tougher dance.

But lo, poor the, the cannot win,
Against the ‘ick’ that lurks within.
So let them be, these imperfect guys,
While women search for ‘manly’ skies.

Let this poem, with rhymes so neat,
May also stir them sense of defeat;
For lengthy verse and structured line,
Evoke in her a weary sigh.

Review:

This parody poem, titled “Disorderd in Masculinity,” is a twist on the themes explored in Robert Herrick’s classic poem “Delight in Disorder.” While Herrick’s original poem celebrates the beauty found in the casual disorder of women’s attire, this parody will take a playful look at societal expectations surrounding men and masculinity. In “Disorder in Masculinity,” the focus shifts from female beauty standards to the behaviors and activities of men that are perceived as unmanly or ‘ick’-inducing by women. With my best effort, I incorporated rhymes and imagery in the poem to illustrates how ordinary actions like floating in a pool, using a laptop on one’s lap, or bouncing on a trampoline can be subject to scrutiny and disapproval based on narrow definitions of masculinity.

What stands out about this parody is its adherence to the original rhyme scheme of Herrick’s poem (AABBCCDDEEFF), despite being longer in length. My thought process behind the making of this poem was to keep the rhyme as a symbol for “perfect” but intentionally making the poem longer to indirectly reflect the theme of ‘ick’ within the poem itself due to its extended form. And to make this more evident, I last minuted-ly added a stanza that actually acknowledges the potential weariness induced by the poem’s length, all to tie back to the overarching theme of societal judgments and personal preferences. Another thing I symbolized was approaching gender references. In the beginning, the poem avoids direct male or female terms, mirroring Herrick’s original poem which similarly eschews explicit gender mentions. I made this choice not only to pay homage to the source material but to again, indirectly reflect the “ick” within the poem format. I aimed for the reaction of: “aw man it was almost perfect, but because you added gender references its all of sudden not perfect, but rather an “ick”. The poem format is a symbol of an almost perfect man who suddenly becomes not perfect because of an “ick”: the insertion of gender reference.

In creating “Disorder in Masculinity,” my main aim was to playfully shed light on societal expectations surrounding masculinity and challenge the harmful notion that certain behaviors or expressions make someone “less of a man.” I tried to do this through humor and satire, where the parody poem underscores the importance of embracing authenticity and individuality. The aim is to encourage readers to celebrate male tenderness and reject narrow stereotypes. The poem is supposed to illustrate how ordinary actions can be unfairly judged based on rigid definitions of masculinity, emphasizing that it’s okay to be oneself regardless of others’ perceptions.

-Mustang Chang