The Demon Within

“My Brother at 3 A.M.” is a thrilling poem by Natalie Diaz. The situation follows her brother and his fear of being killed by the devil. However, there is an underlying metaphor at play here. The hallucination of the devil is acting as the embodiment of her brother’s anxiety. The repetition of the phrase “He wants to kill me” shows that the brother is being festered by an intrusive thought. This could be a literal fear, that the devil is really after him, or it could be referring to the anxiety he is feeling. By having the brother repeat this phrase, it is clear that circular thoughts are happening within his mind which could be associated with anxiety. Another line that stood out to me was line 22, “His lips flicked with sores,” (Diaz). When people have anxiety, they might fidget or pick at something to try and cope. For the brother, it seems that he might be biting or licking his lips, which creates the sores the speaker describes. The mom could not pick up on her son’s anxieties until she noticed the sores on his lips. Those sores indicated that he was feeling anxious and after seeing them she, “saw it, a hellish vision, [the] brother,” (Line 30).

I think this poem represents a return to the body because Diaz is using language and metaphor to represent the anxieties she has felt in her own life. While the brother sees the devil as his anxieties, the mom sees that the devil is her son; his anxieties are destroying him. The devil is a scary, fearful figure. Having the brother see the devil as his anxieties, it gives his anxiety an awful face and can explain why he is up so late with sores around his lips. The devil, or his anxiety, is eating him away. The mother does not see this devil hallucination, but she sees her own son as the devil since it is his anxiety that has caused him so much fear. The return to the body in this poem is literal because, until the last stanza, the reader is led to believe in this hallucination of the devil. We are looking outward for this devil before being forced to confront that the devil is actually within.

By: Tierney Bowden

Confronting the Devil

My Brother at 3 A.M.

By Natalie Diaz 

The poem I selected was “My Brother at 3 A.M.” written by Natalie Diaz, which talks about the want as well as the sense of being in your own body. Diaz’s brother appears to be talking to their mother who can see the devil who wishes to kill him, although this appears to be something that his mother cannot see in the beginning. At the beginning of the poem Diaz appears to instantly go to her brother and the situation at hand, in which he seems to be hallucinating. When reading this poem I felt that this poem could be interpreted in many ways, it could be viewed as Diaz drawing attention away from herself or simply her brother. It seems as if the mother initially was unaware of the so-called “demon” although she eventually comes to the realization that there actually is a demon and she becomes more and more concerned about the demon. “O God, O God” (Diaz Line 28), In this quote it appears as if the mother is finally understanding what her own son is seeing. 

There is repetition in this quote, “ The sky wasn’t black or blue but the green of a dying night” (Diaz Line 14), which emphasizes his hallucination as well as the main thing that he focuses on or that he can focus on. In that quote I also noticed the use of symbolism, “ The sky wasn’t black or blue” (Diaz Line 14), a green sky can symbolize his hallucinations. I also noticed a personification, “His lips flickered with sores”(Diaz Line 20), his lips aren’t actually able to flicker although Diaz attempts to describe how bad his sores were through the word “flickered”. Once again I noticed the use of personification within this quote, “ Stars had closed their eyes or sheathed their knives.”,(Diaz Line 18) The hallucination implies that the stars are getting dim, sheathing their knives means the glare that one gets from them which appears to be spikes or as if the knives disappear. Throughout this quote, I noticed lots of areas for dissection as I felt that the poem could actually be interpreted in lots of ways, although I decided to interpret it from the standpoint of Diaz’s brother seeing “demons” and her mother slowly begins to notice the same figures.

Yue Wu-Jamison

Devil’s Hallucinations

I believe the best poem that raised the elements of a return to the body for the poet-speaker was “My Brother at 3 A.M.” Firstly, this poem captured what it meant for wanting to return to being in your own body, in other words wanting to be yourself, but it becomes an issue because of the many obstacles that occur in life. Natalie Diaz’s poem portrayed hallucinations as demonic. Throughout the poem Diaz’s brother was telling their mother that he sees this devil who wants to kill him, unfortunately the mother couldn’t see what his son was referring to in the beginning. The hallucinations were referring to the body in which at that moment the brother was in an unknown place, and not in his right set of mind. According to the poem on lines 25-7 it states, “O God, see the tail, he said. Look at the goddamned tail. He sat cross-legged, weeping on the front steps. Mom finally saw it, a hellish vision, my brother.” The mother was finally able to see the devil. Only it was a horrific sight because she was able to truly see for what her son was, an addict. The devil who wants to kill him is actually himself, he wants to kill himself for the many addictions he had encountered. In other words, the hallucinations of the devil was a battle within himself and his body, committing sins.

 Furthermore, the brother’s image that is identified in this poem is an addict. I believe that in today’s world addictions aren’t taken seriously which leads to many decisions of having addictions as the solution. Although this issue is seen as a less talkative topic, Natalie Diaz stated in an interview, “It’s interesting to think about silence as being a type of speaking, and maybe even a more important type of speaking.” I thought this to be impactful because even if a topic were to be silenced or not brought up, silence is what speaks the most out of someone, just as the saying actions speak louder than words. Both silence and actions are really great references to making something meaningful or inadequate in someone’s life, which leads me to my next point. The body is used as an example for this poem as silenced. The brother’s body was a use of desire and sinful acts in which he no longer is fully in his body. Part of this is from the anxiety given from the many addictions. Just as in the poem the brother sounds terrified and anxious looking at the devil or himself. In the interview Diaz states, “But I am wondering if anxiety in some ways is just my body in the wrong place.” As I mentioned earlier, the brother was not in his right mind which caused him the hallucinations from his addiction(s). So him being in the wrong place through the stress, just as Diaz going through anxiety in her life, gives her the realization of the body not being in her true form. She is unable to express that being a Latina and queer woman is under the anxiety of the world of not fully being one with herself.

Celeste Tejeda-Menera

The Devil vs The Body

My Brother at 3 A.M.

By Natalie Diaz

This poem demonstrates the important topic of the struggle with addiction, as the main character of the poem is shown struggling with here. After some research, I have found that Diaz did indeed have a brother that struggles with addiction to crystal meth and this poem is a direct reflection of the kind of situation her and her family likely had to deal with often. The poem begins with her brother hallucinating the devil coming for him, trying to kill him as her sleepy mother stands confused at 3am about what he is talking about. Their mother asks, “what are you on?” (line 13) which is often an expression used when someone seems to be talking crazy, but not actually on anything, though in this case it is ironic and leads you to discover that he indeed was actually on an addictive substance. Looking over his shoulder, Diaz’ brother seems to witness the tail of the devil, though you come to the conclusion that he is only seeing his own tail, as he has become the devil within his addiction. At the end of the poem, she mimics his wording as she comes to the realization of what was going on with her son, and what he had become, as she says “O God, O God” (line 28). As Diaz’ brother hallucinates the devil, their mother “finally saw it, a hellish vision” (line 27) as she witnesses the devil inside her son, realizing he is an addict. 

One issue raised in her interview was anxiety and how sometimes she wonders if anxiety is just her “body in the wrong place” (Diaz 2018). This can relate back to her brother, clearly under the influence, hallucinating and anxious that the devil is after him. His body was not in the correct place and his anxieties demonstrated this. According to Diaz in her interview, she also says that anxiety will make you feel like you are taking up space and that the space you have does not want you there. Diaz’ brother likely felt this way as he was not in the right state of mind (or body) and the space he was in caused him to feel out of place, and under attack. This feeling of being under attack can be mirrored with the silencing upon addicts, as society tends to provide no empathy for those with addictions and makes them feel like they are a burden, taking up space, and in other words: attacking them. The devil in this poem is a good metaphor for the marginalization of addicts and their close ones.

After further research, I found that this poem would be considered a pantoum poem. The second and fourth lines of each stanza serve as the first and third lines of the next stanza. This element within her poem demonstrates the repeated anxiety her brother felt within his addiction and the struggle of finding the correct place in his body and mind. Not having the place for her own body, she writes about not only her brother’s struggles with crossing the border of his addiction, but her own struggles and her family’s struggles with it too, and their anxieties trying to find their way back into their own, safe, bodies.

Sarah Rix

Forgive Me Father for I Have Sinned

 Exploring the themes of Temptation and Forgiveness Hafez writes about how he’s “Foredoomed to drink and foreordained forgiven”, which means he will be doomed to drink and will be forgiven anyway for it. By using alliteration in these lines, he shows how easy it is to get away with sinning. He also parallels ‘Fore’ in saying he’s rejecting responsibility.  He has so much love for drinking, which is a sin in the Islamic religion, so this represents the rejection of Islamic spirituality because it is not prohibited. Even though Haifez knows that there will always be temptations nearby he will choose them over being a saint and following the rules of Islamic religion. The reason is that he will be forgiven if he just pleads for it.

 Hafez also uses similes in a satirical way to signify that the woman in his poem is a temptation or the Iblis (devil) who will lead him down the bad path. For example, in “Warm as a dewy rose” this line compares the woman to a wet flower which is not warm, it’s a satirical way to express how she appears pleasing yet, she isn’t. By using the imagery of a woman Hafez shows the rejection he shows to Islamic spirituality because he doesn’t care what she’s there for he’ll take whatever she has. Since at the end of it all, he can just apologize like everyone else and be okay. 

 The poem Ode 44 by Hafez is a great interpretation of Adam and Eve of the temptation of the Apple. How the two showed great love for their God but still fell victim to the Tree of Wisdom and the snake guarding it. Haifez is woken by the woman calling him to sip on wine which is like the snake guiding Eve to take a bite of apple which she does. She bares the consequences and gets kicked out yet, in this poem, Haifez doesn’t care about the consequences and takes the sip and knows he isn’t the only man to have drunk before and will be forgiven just like the rest. 

Kelly Flores

Out of Body Experience

The poem, “My Brother at 3 A.M.” is a very emotional and overwhelming experience. In this poem I believe that the brother is hooked on drugs. Whenever he tells her that he see’s the devil he’s crying out for help. He knows that he is so addicted that he cannot help himself out and needs the help of his mother. His mom not being able to see the devil until it’s too late symbolizes the parents that are in denial. They are so quick to say, “not my child”, because they cannot fathom that their children are quite literally poisoning themselves.

3 a.m. and in her nightgown, Dad asleep,
What’s going on? she asked. Who wants to kill you?
        He looked over his shoulder.
                The devil does. Look at him, over there.

Here in this line the Dad asleep symbolizes parents that are too busy working to even notice that their child is on something. For some people their only worry is to keep a roof over their families heads and food on the table. That is good that they are hard working, but they really have to be there for their kids emotionally. Without their emotional support all of that physical support means nothing, sometimes all kids want is a nice talk with their parents.

O God, see the tail, he said. Look at the goddamned tail.
He sat cross-legged, weeping on the front steps.
        Mom finally saw it, a hellish vision, my brother.
                O God, O God, she said.

Here the mother finally realizes that her precious child is suffering from addiction. She realizes that the devil that he is talking about is himself. He needed protection from himself because he couldn’t stop consuming drugs even though he wants too. The author Natalie Diaz shows us how fragile humans are. Throughout this poem she reminds us that we are all mortal and that we have needs, emotional needs. I do not believe she showed us a return to body in this poem. I say this because the brother is out of his body because he is addicted, and the devil is in his body consuming him. If the brother gets better and sobers up that would show a return of body. The social identity that was silenced in this poem is the emotional relationship between parents and their children. This poem really acts as a warning to let parents know they need to often check up on their children, and make sure they are doing good emotionally.

the “evil” within

In Natalie Diaz’s poem ‘My Brother at 3 AM’, Diaz describes her brother seeing himself as a devil and being horrified of himself. She displays the intense fear in him of this “hellish” version of himself. Diaz discusses in her interview that she always wants her poems to return to the body and in this poem, by having the twist in the end of the fact that the devil her brother fears, be himself, it symbolizes an evil within one’s self or somethings that is a part of a person that is viewed as evil by society and the world we have grew up in. Diaz states she wants to “return back to the body because as an indigenous person, as a Latina, as a queer woman, I haven’t been given the permission or the space, to be fully in my body.” Her poem enforces this idea by having the devil be a separate entity from the ‘brother’, but also the same person, or a part of himself. I feel that this poem especially can connect with the fact that she is a queer woman, because in society for the longest time being queer was seen as almost evil by society, especially by people who were very religious. I feel that the devil is a symbol for the part of either the brother or the author herself, that she felt she had to hide from society because she was led to believe it was evil and horrific. Also I feel that the fact that the brother constantly states “ He wants to kill me, Mom.“, could represent the fact that many people were killed for claiming having a different sexuality than society deemed acceptable or the fact that it this brother felt it could in a way ruin his life. I feel this devil seems to act as a symbol to display the part of us that we may be afraid to show because society has taught us that it is wrong, when in the big picture it is a part of us and nothing we should be ashamed of. I feel that is what Diaz means when she says that she hasn’t been given “permission or the space, to be fully in my body”, the “devil” within her is not acceptable by the standards society has put on us and how they feel things should be so she hides it and only displays it in her poetry. Many others feel this way and she beautifully explains how it feels to have to keep a part of who you are hidden out of the fear of the consequences that may come when it is out in the open.

Emily Mayo

No Return…?

Storytelling poems can be read in one of two ways: literally or metaphorically. Both methods will then proceed to different meanings depending on what literary devices are being used to convey their separate messages. “My Brother at 3A.M.” by Natalie Diaz is a story about a boy who believes a devil is trying to kill him. While this can be read in a literal way, it is to be read in a metaphorical way when religious and biblical messages are out of the picture. With the use of diction, imagery, and symbolism (to name the very few) the author describes a moment where a mother loses her son right before her eyes to drug addiction.

The overall formatting of the poem, and how each line was phrased and places, was very unique and intriguing to the eyes. One can say that it accentuated the words themselves and help create that darkness feeling. The first stanza immediately sets the scene of a boy in extreme distress from the mother’s point of view when she steps outside to tend for him. The second stanza then brings up the fact that the dad has no idea of what is happening as he is sound asleep. This symbolizes where the dad’s role in the family where it seems like he has long given up trying to help his son while the mother is doing all she can to save him, even if this night seems to have become the last straw. What confirms the drug addiction is when the mother asks him what he is “on” (Diaz, Line 13) and her noticing “the sores on his lips” (Diaz, Line 23). The mother almost feels defeated as she has an inner dialogue going on while she comes to a realization that what he is seeing is just a hallucination. However, the end of the poem has a huge turn of events when the mother finally ‘sees’ the devil’s tail that the son had mentioned. The mother didn’t actually see the devil, but her son finally being consumed to a place of no return.

The constant word choice of “devil” is what really sets the dark tone of the entire poem because Natalie wants to showcase the sad truth of those who not only seek help, but feel like they are a lost cause. The simple indication that the dad was nowhere in the picture during this intense scene just goes to show that the family is torn apart by the circumstances of their son. When talking about social identities and the signaling of ‘return to the body’, this heavily showcases vulnerability to me. When the son felt like the mother couldn’t see what he was seeing through his eyes, this was symbolism for how one feels being alone in a society where no one understands them. Having to constantly convince others that what they feel is true is not only mentally exhausting, but can immediately make one feel defeated inside until it fully consumes them whole. It’s almost like feeling silenced. Keeping this in mind, the end of the poem seems bittersweet: sweet because he felt his mom finally see what he was seeing, but bitter because the mom practically saw her son slip from her hands…

This leaves readers with a powerful message that we must try to hear, understand, and empathize with those around us. Regardless of whether or not we have been in their position. Everyone has their own story and a simple shoulder to lean on can make the biggest of differences.

Simranpreet Kaur

Angels? More like Devils.

Both the poems by Natalie Diaz “My brother at 3 A.M.” and “Abecedarian Requiring Further Examination of Anglikan Seraphym Subjugation of a Wild Indian Rezervation. Both the poems show a strong illustration of imagery and metaphors, both of these strong elements help understand the signal a return to her body. In Natalie’s introduction she explained how her own body does not belong to her which is why she writes poetry as a cry for help or as for the reader to understand that event poets are messed up in their own way but the reason she mainly feels like her own body does not belong to her is because of her origin and where she comes from, she understands that because she’s indigenous she doesn’t have the right to “belong to her own body” mainly because of society, but how do these two poems show a way that she’s back in her body? The way I saw it is the poem “My brother at 3 A.M” is filled with repetition and stanzas but the background of this poem that she even mentioned in her introduction is that her brother is an addict in the poem she described that her brother kept repeating “He wants to kill me, the devil does” this repetition helps us understand that the brother is on a type of drug that is causing him to hallucinate.

“The devil” is a metaphor though because “the devil” isn’t actually there instead “the devil” is himself. This type of poetic element shows us a signal on how the brother the addict compared himself to the devil because he was hallucinating the imagery here helped us understand that, and the repetition helped us get to the point where he was on some type of drug in this specific element shows us how the brother is signaling his return of his body because the devil is in himself. The poem Abecedarian Requiring Further shows a strong sense of metaphor with the word “Angels” because it was simple Indians believed that Angels were going to be their savior instead of getting an actual “Angel” they got the apposite of that, because “Angels” were the white men, who came and took all the land of the Indians and the angels were the Devils itself according to the Indians in her poem she said “Pastor John’s son is the angel — everyone knows angels are white” meaning that the angels were white people she’s comparing angels to white people. How does this refer back to signal a return to the body, because she is warning the readers how poetry can held such a great power and is warning us that history has a way to repeat itself and it is still repeating itself and through metaphors and illustrations we can see how her poem relates to today, and is the reason why many of us still don’t feel like we belong in our own body because of people like “Angels.”

Ana Munos

The Devil is Ourselves

Reading My Brother at 3 A.M. by Natalie Diaz, I see how this relates to one connecting to their bodies. The restriction’s that many have when one is alienated is blamed on history.  History has showcased that alienation and inhuman treatments happen to those that aren’t the ideal image of being part of society. In this particular poem the line “who wants to kill you? He looked over his shoulder the devil does look at him over there” (lines 9-12) the devil is what I see as one trying to connect with the body, but we don’t see it that way. Being oppressed is all that many minorities know, and being connected to their culture and being expressive to one’s true identities becomes strange. Diaz mentioned that she had to learn many things from her elders, and she had to come to terms with how different it was. Letting it all sink in, and seeing how history has hurt many is essential, and Diaz knows this because one can see it, “He sat crossed-legged, weeping on the front steps, Mom finally saw it, a hellish vision, my brother. O god, O god, she said” (lines 26-28). The poem is giving a tone of fear, of undeniable fear which I can’t see if it’s because of the way people have been oppressed or the truth they are seeing. I do know that expressing who we really that are outside of the norms of society isn’t easy to overcome, and some rather stay behind those norms “dad asleep” (line 2). I see the eyes opening to their culture when we can’t wish for it to be gone, “stars had closed their eyes or sheathed their knives” (line 14). This use of personification within the poem gives insight that it isn’t part of a dream, it’s not out of this world and nothing can change the outcomes that are to come. Realizing one’s body is what Diaz says is inevitable for those that look for it; look to explain more than what is on the outside.

• Maria Mendiola